Bismillahi Ar-Rahmani Ar-Raheem, and praise be to Allah who sent a prophet to us who was kind and caring, may He send blessings and Peace upon him and his family and companions.
Thus it is due to mercy from Allah that you (Prophet Muhammad) deal with them gently, and had you been rough, hard hearted, they would certainly have dispersed from around you; pardon them therefore and ask pardon for them, and ask for their opinion about the affair; so when you have decided, then place your trust in Allah; surely Allah loves those who trust. Qur’an Surah 3: 159)
This verse I have chosen today is one which describes the kindness of our beloved Prophet Muhammad, peace be upon him, and it also gives us practical advice on how to deal with people and how to make decisions. It shows us how to be a leader, following the example of the Prophet Muhammad, peace be upon him. We see that the Prophet was gentle to the people around him, and in doing this, he was not just showing his personality, but showing them Divine mercy also. Allah further instructs the Prophet, peace be upon him, to forgive them and ask forgiveness for them, and also to ask for their advice.
This gives us the pattern for how to make decisions. Firstly, it was the Prophet’s habit, peace be upon him, to always ask people what they thought, to the point that some of his critics accused him of “listening too much”, and the Qur’an reminds them that this is good for people! Even though he was a prophet of God, he respected other people’s wishes. Consultation was a pattern for human relationships set by the Prophet, including personal relationships.
For example, in surah 2: 233, Allah mentions feeding and weaning a child, and he tells the parents, using the dual form (Arabic doesn’t just have singular and plural but also distinguishes when talking to or about 2 people). It says that if they both agree to wean the child after consulting each other then there is no blame upon either of them. One of the surprising things about the Qur’an is it contains instructions even on activities of daily life like this. This verse provides an example of how consultation is a pattern for personal relationships and leadership alike.
It was the Prophet’s habit, if he was given the choice between two good things, to take the easier of them, and this was because his way is a way of ease, and not a way of rigour and difficulty. He said, peace be upon him, بَشِّرْ و لا تُنَفَّرْ وَ يَسِّرْ وَ لا تُعَسِّر
“cheer people up and do not put people off and make things easy and do not make things difficult.”
Narrated `Aisha:
Whenever Allah’s Messenger (ﷺ) was given the choice of one of two matters, he would choose the easier of the two, as long as it was not sinful to do so, but if it was sinful to do so, he would not approach it.
If you are still having difficulty deciding what to do, there are some other techniques you can use.
Firstly, take a fatwa of your heart, or listen to your heart. Your heart is your connection with Allah, your conscience, your feelings. It is different from your lower self or your passions. If you are thinking about doing something, but you keep having a lot of hesitation or you keep going back and forth because you are just not sure if it is good, then leave it. This is also based upon a saying of the Prophet Muhammad, who said, “leave what makes you doubt for what does not make your doubt”, and also another hadith, narrated by a man called Wasibah who had gone to the Prophet for advice:
Wabisah ibn Ma’bad reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said to me, “Have you come to ask about (birr) goodness and sin?” I said yes. The Prophet clenched his fist and struck his chest, saying, “Consult your soul, consult your heart, O Wabisah. Birr is what reassures your soul and your heart, and sin is what wavers in your soul and puts tension in your chest, even if people approve it in their judgments again and again.”
However, by what reassures your heart I do not mean selfishness, because Allah tells us in the Qur’an that you will never attain “birr” unless you give away what you love (surah 3:92).
In surah 2:177, Allah explains more what is birr. Birr is just one of many words in Arabic for goodness, and here it is defined in terms of actions and beliefs:
It is not birr, that you turn your faces to the East and to the West. True birr is this: to believe in God, and the Last Day, the angels, the Book, and the Prophets, to give of one’s substance, however cherished, to kinsmen, and orphans, the needy, the traveller, beggars, and to ransom the slave, to perform the prayer, to pay the alms. And they who fulfil their covenant when they have engaged in a covenant, and endure with fortitude misfortune, hardship and peril, these are they who are true in their faith, these are the muttaqeen (and if you remember from an earlier post, they are those who are very careful not to fall in to doing bad things because they are frightened of the consequences).
You can also do a special dua or supplication known as istikhara, after offering two rak’as of prayer.
اللَّهُمَّ إِنِّي أَسْتَخِيرُكَ بِعِلْمِكَ وَأَسْتَقْدِرُكَ بِقُدْرَتِكَ وَأَسْأَلُكَ مِنْ فَضْلِكَ الْعَظِيمِ فَإِنَّكَ تَقْدِرُ وَلَا أَقْدِرُ وَتَعْلَمُ وَلَا أَعْلَمُ وَأَنْتَ عَلَّامُ الْغُيُوبِ اللَّهُمَّ إِنْ كُنْتَ تَعْلَمُ أَنَّ هَذَا الْأَمْرَ خَيْرٌ لِي فِي دِينِي وَمَعَاشِي وَعَاقِبَةِ أَمْرِي فَاقْدُرْهُ لِي وَيَسِّرْهُ لِي ثُمَّ بَارِكْ لِي فِيهِ وَإِنْ كُنْتَ تَعْلَمُ أَنَّ هَذَا الْأَمْرَ شَرٌّ فِي دِينِي وَمَعَاشِي وَعَاقِبَةِ أَمْرِي فَاصْرِفْهُ عَنِّي وَاصْرِفْنِي عَنْهُ وَاقْدُرْ لِيَ الْخَيْرَ حَيْثُ كَانَ ثُمَّ ارْضِنِي بِهِ
‘Allahumma inni astakhiruka bi’ilmika, Wa astaqdiruka bi-qudratika, Wa as’alaka min fadlika al-‘azlm Fa-innaka taqdiru Wala aqdiru, Wa ta’lamu Wala a’lamu, Wa anta ‘allamu l-ghuyub. Allahumma, in kunta ta’lam anna hadha-l-amra Khairun li fi dini wa ma’ashi wa’aqibati amri (or ‘ajili amri wa’ajilihi) Faqdirhu wa yas-sirhu li thumma barik li Fihi, Wa in kunta ta’lamu anna hadha-lamra shar-run li fi dini wa ma’ashi wa’aqibati amri (or fi’ajili amri wa ajilihi) Fasrifhu anni was-rifni anhu. Waqdir li al-khaira haithu kana Thumma ardini bihi.’
(O Allah! I ask guidance from Your knowledge, And Power from Your Might and I ask for Your great blessings. You are capable and I am not. You know and I do not and You know the unseen. O Allah! If You know that this_______insert your decision________) is good for my religion and my subsistence and in my Hereafter–(or said: If it is better for my present and later needs)–Then You ordain it for me and make it easy for me to get, And then bless me in it, and if You know that this _____insert your decision________) is harmful to me In my religion and subsistence and in the Hereafter–(or said: If it is worse for my present and later needs)–Then keep it away from me and let me be away from it. And ordain for me whatever is good for me, And make me satisfied with it). The Prophet added that then the person should name (mention) his need.
Sahih Al-Bukhari – Book 21 Hadith 263
Once you have made up your mind, then correct your intentions. The Prophet, peace be upon him, told us that actions are to be judged by intentions.
From Amir al-Mu’mineen, Abu Hafs Umar ibn al Khattab, may Allah be pleased with him, that he said, “I heard the Messenger of Allah, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, saying, “Actions are only be intentions, and every man has only that which he intended. Whoever’s emigration is for Allah and His Messenger then his emigration is for Allah and His Messenger. Whoever’s emigration is for some worldly gain which he can acquire or a woman he will marry then his emigration is for that which he migrated.”
Reflecting upon your intentions will also help you to get clear about why you wish to do something. The thing you wish to do may be a very good thing – but are you doing it for the best reasons? You can correct your intentions at this point.
The final advice we can take from the Prophet is that when you have made up your mind, then commit to yourself and stop prevaricating. Go ahead with it, placing your faith in Allah and leaving the matter up to Allah, and trusting in him completely.
So, to summarise: Whatever you are doing in life, consult with others about it. Listen carefully to people. Be gentle and choose the easiest option. Take a fatwa from your heart and do the thing that makes you feel calm and at ease and doesn’t make you doubt and hesitate or prick your conscience. If you still can’t decide, you can use the istikhara prayer to help you to decide. Once you have decided, then correct your intentions, and then commit yourself to do it, trusting in Allah.
Shaykh Yayha Rhodus has done a lot of work on decision-making
